My kid isn't a sports star...

I took my daughter to her first Giants game at four months old, and the only reason it wasn’t sooner is because she was born in December. I’ve now become obsessed with trying to get my daughter to become a star softball player before her next birthday. Other dads everywhere are doing the same.

However, my dream started to die when my friend’s son (same age) was hitting balls with his little T-Ball bat. It was a funny scene: the bat was as tall as he, and pitched balls were being smacked all over. It was an impressive, horrible sight. My daughter had already fallen behind. To twist the knife deeper, this kid can throw and catch.

My daughter was of course oblivious to the fact that she’d been shown-up by this pip-squeak. Who cares if she knows her ABCs when other kids are working on their curveballs? The only solution was to get better.  I stuffed her little hand into her pink glove, and we played catch. Three minutes later she was looking for bugs in the grass.

Okay, maybe she’s not going to be an all-pro. I guess the point is that she has fun playing. But doesn't everyone secretly mock this attitude? Isn’t it more fun to be good? I remember going to my niece’s volleyball game years ago and I was appalled that they were not keeping score. Why play if there’s no winner?

We're biologically hard-wired to be competitive and we want to win. What would Vegas be without winners and losers? Isn’t playing for fun the sporting equivalent of Communism? Keeping score is patriotic. It’s the American way of life.

Yes, kids need to build their self-esteem.  Losing can hurt, but learning to deal with loss and failure is part of maturing. What are we doing if we raise a generation of kids who’ve never lost? How will these kids deal with the first F, the first break-up, and the first lay-off? Those are all unpleasant things that nobody wants for his or her kids, but they all happen; we need face the ugly things just like we face the nice things.

There’s a line between too easy and too hard, but recently society has been toeing the easy side of that line.  In some ways, winning is easier than the alternative. Dealing with a loss builds character; character defines you as a person. If my daughter can’t throw the ball straight, I can tell her that she’s doing great or I can tell her to try again. It is possible to encourage a child without patronizing him or her.

We need to find that line and walk it precariously. I’m going to err on the side of competition, but I will always support, encourage, and love my daughter.

Maybe my attitude on this is what will lead to me getting kicked out of soccer games, but I’ll be keeping score and rooting hard. And as much as I want my daughter to win every time, I’ll be sure to teach her how to deal with a loss.

This previously appeared in Parenting on the Peninsula