Subtlety and Sarcasm

Kids don’t get wittiness. They just don’t.

So many people rely on sarcasm, innuendo, and intimation to express themselves. We use these things to express humor, frustration, and subtlety. But children’s brains just are not developed well enough to understand it consistently.

It’s a maturity and development phase that kids must achieve to appreciate sarcastic wit. Some can pick up on it at earlier ages, but others later. Still, some adults I’ve encountered still can’t appreciate sarcasm.
It’s both good and bad that children have this limitation. For example, when your child asks if you’d like to play chutes and ladders again and again and again, he or she actually believes it when you reply with a drawn out, “I’d love to baby.”

Additionally, you can make a child believe that you’re excited to look at the shape of the poop in the toilet, the dent left by a head in a pillow, the result of a light switch being flicked, and other mundane discoveries that they make in their lives. It’s not that you’re a bad parent, but be honest with yourself – aside from the amazement on the little one’s face, how jazzed are you to be taught that the doorbell makes a noise when you press it.

Seriously, if you can’t laugh a little bit with and at your child, maybe you just don’t have a sense of humor. These things are funny. Kids are funny. People send in home videos to television shows of children’s amusement and amazement at little things. The trick is to laugh without them knowing you are laughing. This is the beauty of sarcasm.

There’s even humor to be had in the children’s misunderstanding of sarcasm. I’ve had the experience of reacting to spilled milk with sarcasm (no crying over it, you know). I simply deadpanned, “Oh great,” while my child looked at the mess she had made. She looked up at me with big eyes and asked confusedly, “Daddy, why is it great? I spilled milk.”

After hearing that reaction, there was no way to even stay frustrated about the mess. That’s the thing about kids – they can make you laugh when you didn’t think you could.
However, this inability to process sarcasm can also be a drawback. This is why it is extremely important to measure your words and think before you speak.

Children, even teenagers, tend to be extremely literal. They take to words you say based upon the dictionary definition. They are still learning to infer meaning based upon context and inflection.
It can be a problem with teenagers because they are starting to look and act a lot more grown up. And some teenagers can appreciate and understand sarcasm. But those who don’t understand will struggle and may completely misinterpret an off-the-cuff comment – especially if it’s a reference to something they are already self-conscious about.

In all seriousness, we need to resist the urge to be sarcastic about the way they look, act, speak, and eat. Never tell a dieting teenager that the mouse-sized portion of food he or she is eating is too much. It is obvious by the context that it is too little. However, to a teenager obsessed with his or her weight that comment will be taken seriously.

And the same applies to younger children as well. Imagine a child asking about playing with your real hammer instead of the toy one. With a roll of the eyes and that all-so familiar facetious tone, you reply, “Oh yeah sweetie – that would be a wonderful idea.”

Next thing you know you’d hear a banging coming from the other side of your home and walls that looked like Swiss cheese. But you couldn’t blame the rambunctious rascal. All you could do is sigh and mutter to yourself one word under your breath: “Great.”

This originally appeared in Parenting on the Peninsula